"The Consequences of Jealousy"

by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches

Jealousy is a problem that many people deal with on a daily basis and
although they know it causes trouble in their lives, they are very rarely
aware of the consequences of continuing to hold those feelings.

Jealousy issues can show up over other people's things, success, beauty,
athletic prowess, relationship, kids, education, money, and life. It can be a
twinge of a feeling or it can be an overwhelming sensation of fear that drives
them to say and do things that they wouldn't do otherwise. Left unhealed, it
can lead to divorce and separation from their partners.

It does not go away by itself. Thinking that it will go away if you ignore it will
only prolong your anxiety and challenges.

The root of jealousy issues usually is not what's happening on the surface like
a partner's flirting with another person. It's usually about whatever is lurking
underneath that needs to be uncovered and dealt with. It might be a broken heart
from a previous relationship or it might be poor self esteem, existing for many years.

One thing we know from our own experiences and from the experiences of
our clients, the first step to changing anything in your life is first to become aware
of what you'd like to change and know that you can if you are committed to it.

You have to realize what the consequences of allowing jealousy to stay in your
life will do to your relationships. Believe it or not, jealousy is a choice one makes.

You also have to become aware of your feelings. These feelings may be anger,
fear, sadness, or anything else that close you down and keep you from connecting
with those you love.

We've discovered that you can stuff your feelings and deny that they are there
until they become so big that you are forced to deal with them, or you can acknowledge
what you are feeling and make the commitment that you are ready to have another
experience in your life. You are saying that you are willing to do what it takes to
heal that part of yourself.

If you want to overcome jealousy, know that you can't point your finger outward
at others and say it's their fault. You have to be committed to changing yourself and
you have to accept the consequences if you don't heal it.

If you are having challenges with jealousy that could potentially damage your relationships,
we invite you to look underneath and see what the real problem is.

Then you can commit to working on and healing these challenges and committing to making
some changes for the better in your life.